Wednesday, December 31, 2008


I'm doing my best to listen to my body...
however the sleep thing is making me nutty.

I get tired around I go to about 2am in the morning I can no longer sleep. I'm semi tired, but just can't stay in bed.

So here I am, on the's better then tossing and turning and keeping Ben awake.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

yesterday I puked in the morning
then just went and ate breakfast. The doctor says this is a good sign...I seem to have lots of good signs...

no spotting or bleeding at all...
cramps, a change in my waist line, and morning sickness (even if it has just been the once)
They said that some women have morning sickness as early as 1 week after implantation.

I'm trying not to get too excited...we still have 2 days until we know.
But the signs are there....

I can make it...I swear I can...

we want this so badly...


I got a gift certificate to on the way home from the In laws we went.
I have restocked my yarn stash with many nice things...
can't wait to knit it all.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

what is with these cravings?
I'm not a big bacon eater...but I've wanted a lot of it lately.
Things I normally like to eat make me queasy to smell...and I randomly want corn beef hash.

I don't want to jinx anything...

Monday, December 22, 2008

As many people who see me in etsy chat know last night Ben and I watched the upstairs neighbors children.
Baby Joey (short for Josephine) had a cold and did not really want to do anything but cry. Since I'm not allowed to lift things heavier then 10 pounds right now Ben had to hold her all night.

3 out of 4

One more glove to go.
And yes, I am wearing glasses, I was reading. Lots of people assume I wear colored contacts.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

mitten status

glove 3 0f 4 is almost done. I'm start the thumb now and then the flap. If I don't finish it tonight it will be done tomorrow morning.
It would be nice to get them to the post office before Christmas, but it doesn't really matter, so I'm not going to worry.

The snow just changed to icy rain. At least I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow. And I have lots of knitting to do.

Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm cramped...but everything I read says that cramping is not only normal, but a good sign.

Hopefully the babies are settling in and arranging the "furniture"

convertible mittens

finished the first pair of convertible mittens last night. But I just took the picture so forgive me looking a mess.
so the asthma and post nasal drip are still bad. Ben says they are getting better, but the coughing fits and the lack of breathing is rough.

I'm on an albuterol nebulizer.'s category C. But the doctor things that me being able to breathe out weighs the risks.
They're hoping this clears up by the end of the month. They said it should change the chances for implantation.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I have been implanted with 2 blastocysts.
The doctors said they look really good and had almost no fracturing.

now we wait until the 29th.

Monday, December 15, 2008

mitten progress

The first convertible mitten is going really quickly. I already finished the main body. I just have the thumb and the flap to do.
I'm surprised since I took a 3 hour nap today and have been drinking so much water that I keep getting up to pee.

After this pair I have another pair to make in blue. The my mother decided she has to have another pair or fingerless gloves. I gave her a discount...and she pre-paid.

Off to bed...I can't wait until Wednesday. Although tomorrow the doctors will call and give me the details.
Today I woke up to find that I had sold an item. I was pretty happy about that. I needed it.

Working on a commission, and I'll be posting pictures later tonight so the person can see the progress. I'm glad I have knitting to do so I am semi occupied.

Wednesday is implantation. And we'll know about 11 days after that if it took. I'm trying not to lose my mind. My butt is sore from the shots...I keep telling myself it will be worth it.

maybe sometime I'll be able to take new pictures from my shop.


Implantation is Wednesday. While this means more waiting it's better for our chances of getting pregnant.

I swear, I can wait till Wednesday.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Steve and Barry's is closing...everything on sale.

I bought a torso.
This should make pictures a bit better.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

CPSIA regulations

this pertains to ANY children's products.
So if you wanted to cloth diaper and have natural toys you are now screwed. The implementation date being February 10, 2009

dates provided in paragraph (3), before importing for consumption
or warehousing or distributing in commerce any children’s
product that is subject to a children’s product safety rule,
every manufacturer of such children’s product (and the private
labeler of such children’s product if such children’s product
bears a private label) shall—
‘‘(A) submit sufficient samples of the children’s product,
or samples that are identical in all material respects to
the product, to a third party conformity assessment body
accredited under paragraph (3) to be tested for compliance
with such children’s product safety rule; and
‘‘(B) based on such testing, issue a certificate that
certifies that such children’s product complies with the
children’s product safety rule based on the assessment
of a third party conformity assessment body accredited
to conduct such tests.
A manufacturer or private labeler shall issue either a separate
certificate for each children’s product safety rule applicable
to a product or a combined certificate that certifies compliance
with all applicable children’s product safety rules, in which
case each such rule shall be specified."

Friday, December 12, 2008

and so on...

I'm feeling a little less cramped now, and the bleeding has pretty much stopped.

Ben gave me my first Progesterone Oil shot tonight. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Implantation will be in 3-5 days. I'm so nervous and excited.
been home for several hours...
very sore
they got 16 eggs...

did I mention I'm very sore.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Important Petition

because handmade items for children will be illegal in 2 months.
We don't have the money for testing...and this applies to all items because made for children.

more info is here

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Monday, December 8, 2008

I think I'm going to move over to
I'll need to update my business cards...but I'm getting a bit tired of the crap from etsy.

looking for more commissions

I finished all 5 pairs of fingerless gloves.
I'm taking a few days to work on a shawl for my mom before working on 2 pairs of convertible mittens.
After that I don't have any commissions and I'd love to have more.
All the money I make from knitting is going into the baby account and I really like having a steady flow going into that account.

Felling better today, still getting over this sick thing.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Holy Estrogen Batman

8 measurable follicles...up from 2 on the 4th

they are thinking that I may be able to have my retrieval as early as Friday.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


I have the flu.

the bad news: I am VERY limited when it comes to what I can take. I have some Benedryl I can use...I'm going to take that before bed to knock me out.

the good news: this shouldn't effect my hormones or any of the retrieval options.

still...I feel like ass...which is a step up from how I felt yesterday.
Tomorrow is another ultrasound/bloodwork day.

My nose needs to stop running.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Ultrasound this morning.
I have 4 follicles on the right and 5 on the left.
They are almost all big enough to be measured. So I'm responding really well to the shots. I hope things continue to go this well and we can schedule the retrieval.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

and now for some knitting

I'm working on the last pair of fingerless gloves. I hate that I had to put it off due to my finger injury. Glove number 9 is almost done...hoping to finish gloves 10 tomorrow...

I then have 2 pairs of convertible mittens to do.

And then I have no more commissions...
I could use more commissions to put more into the baby account.

Monday, December 1, 2008

the stupid...argh

"the way to get preggo is to forget what is it you are trying to do"

This was AFTER I stated we were doing IVF
Do people think that IVF is fun? That I like giving myself shots every day?

Why is it that people seem to think "Oh, you aren't taking the right vitamins"

I'm trying not to get frustrated when people say stupid shit like this...
but really...this isn't me just having sex and trying to have a baby. They wouldn't put me through this if there was another way to have a baby.



flight was delayed. we got in this morning with enough time to come home, get the car and head to the doctor.
They upped the dosage on my shots. But things are going as they should.

we will sleep well tonight.

Friday, November 28, 2008

today's shot went a bit better. I was able to get the plunger down on my own. This one stung a bit more though.

We went to the Celestial Seasonings factory. We have lots of tea, and I even have a SleepyTime bear now. It's snowing now. Tomorrow we are going to the Coors Brewery.

Monday I have my next that point I'll find out the next set of shots I need to take.

I completely forgot that this set of shots was supposed to give me my period and woke up bleeding and freaking out. we called the doctor and they got back to use quickly even though it was a holiday weekend.

it begins

last night was my first shot. I cried before doing it. It didn't really hurt, but I couldn't push the plunger down and Ben had to help me. Took a while for the spot to stop bleeding.

I forgot that it was supposed to give me a quick period to clean everything out and freaked out last night when I started bleeding. Especially since we are visiting my brother and sister in law in Denver right now. The doctor called us back though to let us know.

I'm ok...really sore...I haven't had a period in about 2 years...and everything needed to clean out before we start.

Today we are going to the Celestial Seasonings factory...that should be lots of fun.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The weekend review

cut my finger up...
got the new couch

found a kitten this morning. Her eyes were crusted over with puss. We force fed her some cat milk and cleaned her eyes as best we could.

I then drove her to the ASPCA while Ben waited for the couch delivery. She crawled into my lap while I was driving. I hated giving her up, she was so sweet.

She looks bigger in this picture, but was about 6 inches in front of me. You also can't see how bad her eyes were. Hopefully she'll get some antibiotics and someone will adopt her.

I'll spare everyone the pictures of my finger. It's still a mess and we are watching to make sure that it doesn't get infected.

we also put off taking new etsy pictures until my finger is healed and doesn't look a mess...since I don't think that would really help the pictures. So maybe in a couple weeks...while I want to get it done there are just more things we need to worry about.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

the replacement couch is being delivered tomorrow...

and while peeling apples to make apple preserves I missed and peeled my finger...I got the bleeding to stop on the way to the we put a butterfly bandage and some gauze on it. My finger looks a mess...and knitting will be difficult. but the bleeding stopped.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


the couch broke...
it's under warantee but IKEA is being a whore about it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

busy weekend

I'll be taking some new photos for my etsy listings.
Luckily this weekend Ben will help me and we'll both freeze while taking pictures in the back yard. I hope that helps sales a little.

I could use the pick me up.
At least next week we're going to Denver. I'm hoping to get lots of knitting done at the airport and on the plane.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I have the BRCA 2 mutation
84% risk of breast cancer
27% risk of ovarian cancer

I will be getting a bi-lateral mastectomy in the semi-near future

Monday, November 17, 2008


I get my BRCA genetic test results tomorrow at 9:30am...
I'm a mess and crying now...


took a break from knitting gloves to knit a hat.
I have 2 more pair of fingerless gloves to knit. I'm hoping to finish those before I go away, so I can take the shawl I'm working on with me to Denver.
I have so many other patterns I want to make...

I'm also planning on retaking a bunch of my etsy pictures...most likely using the dog house in the yard as a backdrop.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

5 gloves down

5 to go

So here is a picture.

You can also see the necklace Ben bought me. Hopefully it will bring us good fortune.

knitting away

should have pair 3 out of 5 done by tomorrow for the fingerless gloves.
I finished another pair someone on etsy requested.

After that I have 2 pairs of convertible mittens...and then another possible commission after that. I'm glad to be bringing in the money.

Last night on chat someone came into a room and tried to get me to say something bad about the persons who previously decided to stop talking to me.
I didn't say anything bad, but I know that they'll say something else.
*shrugs* Oh well...I think it just proves that it really isn't worth it. I had left them the ability to talk to me, not send someone in to try and get me to say shit.

PT is going well...I had a migraine Saturday, but haven't had one since then. I'm also looking into acupuncture to help with fertility.

As tired as I am these days I'm not letting things stop me and I'm still moving forward. And I'm going to take a moment and be proud of myself.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I just went to take a bath...
and found a visitor in the tub.

He must have come up through the drain because there was no other way to get in, and there was poop all over the tub.

I'm really surprised the cat was only watching him.
He's tiny...and I've named him "Draino"
when Ben comes home we'll decide if we want to get him a little cage or not.

we decided not to keep him


My brother sent me this email and I had to share.

A child was given a homework assignment to draw a picture of what one of their parents did for a living. This girl's mom works at Home Depot.
She is supposed to be selling a shovel in the picture.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sometimes you get those pleasant surprises

Ben and I were in the super market when my cell phone rang. I didn't answer it, but when I got back in the car I listened to my messages.

I have a friend...we've known each other our whole lives and we recently got back in touch. She's been through IVF...
she was looking in my etsy shop and found my blog. She called because she knew I was going through a lot and wanted to be there to support me.

I called her back. She told me she'd hold my hand through all of this and that I can call anytime. We spent a while on the phone. I'm still in tears because I'm so happy to have someone to really talk to about this.

This was just what I needed feel like there was someone there who understood. Someone who won't run away when things get tough. I'm not alone. And that is good to know.

needles galore

Today I received 3 huge boxes. They are all my hormone meds. I'm happy that they got here, but opening these boxes and seeing about 70 syringes and needles was rough. I started to cry.

So I put the meds away (some have to be refrigerated) and called the hubby, then called mom.

Mom asked if I'm going to be able to give myself shots...
my reply "I don't really have a choice"

I guess that's just the way I operate. I forget sometimes how much stronger I am then most people, and even in tough times I always push forward.

Monday, November 10, 2008

silly me

it always hurts when people you thought were there aren't.

Even worse when they completely ignore you. No inkling of why they are "I just need some time"

just completely ignored.
I guess I still have trouble wrapping my head around that. Then again my studies were in communications, not lack there of.

I'm going to curl up in a ball now.
And remind myself why it was stupid to open myself up to new people.

Friday, November 7, 2008

doctor says "uterus is perfect"
which is good news.
still sore from the hydro ultrasound.

I purchased myself a good luck shiny today...
but man I'm still sore.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

webcam programs

who can recommend a good webcam program?
I have a webcam on my dell...but need something for chat.

I guess I should look for people to chat with first.

here there be dragons

Adopt one today!

Adopt one today!

Adopt one today!

these babies should hatch in about 7 days
Click on them to help them hatch.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I went to the genetic counselor today.
My test results should be back in 2-3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure that I have it. I'd rather know and be able to prevent things...

so...should I have the mutation then I will most likely have a hysterectomy and a bi-lateral mastectomy...

lets hope IVF works and I can have a child and let me girly bits serve their purpose first.

I appreciate the support I've been getting from everyone in this emotionally rough time.
hat is finished and going out into the mail today...
working on some fingerless gloves for someone on etsy, then I need to get back to some of my other commissions.

wow...just wow...I stayed up until about 1am lat night crying tears of joy and being amazed. History was made...history I never thought I would see this early in my lifetime.

today I also go to the genetic counselor and get tested for the BRCA gene...the results take about 3 weeks.
23 days until I start the IVF cycle...

Monday, November 3, 2008

adsense IS a scam

so I woke up this morning to an email from adsense saying that I was a danger to their advertisers.
Hrm...interesting as how I like many others who were canceled were due to be paid.

They also give no reason, and are not required to give a reason for why they disabled the account.

Oh, they just sent me something saying "invalid click activity"
right...because I can control when people visiting my site click...most people know what it's for...

ah google, you run a good scam.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

*happy dance*

finished the brown gloves.
I'm taking a break for the rest of the day and then tomorrow I'll knit a hat to break up all those gloves.
I also had 3 items make it into 3 treasuries on

Tonight I have a Halloween party. I'm hoping to get some pictures to post tomorrow.

Lots of knitting to do, but I'm happy to have these commissions.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Glove 3 of 10 is now done. It's kind of hard to see the cabling on the brown tweed. But fingerless gloves are perfect for flashing gang signs.

And for the record there is nothing in the corner of my just caught a shadow.


I guess Aloysius knows I'm feeling down...because he decided to come and nuzzle me.
Forgive the bad skin, I've been stressed.

is adsense a scam?

I've just heard from several of my friends who have had their adsense accounts shut down once they've reached $100 (which is the amount at which you get issued a payment)

Now all the friends got similar emails...saying that they are "threats" to the advertisers. No other more information then that. And they state that they reserve the right to remove any accounts.

Seems a little shady to me. You would think they would like someone who turned other people on to adsense. It doesn't really cost google anything, and they get more adwords. Plus the advertisers get more traffic to their sites.

we'll see what happens with my adsense...if they'll shut it down right before they have to pay me.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It never rains...

mom told me she has the BRCA2 Mutation
I know she feels really bad because I have so much on my plate right now.
I told her I knew this was going to be the result and I'm pretty sure when I get tested for it I'll have the mutation as well. (Her birth mother died from Breast Cancer as well)

I have to contact both my Breast Specialist and my Reproductive Endocrinologist to let them know.
It's scary because now I'm a such a high risk for so many types of Cancer.

This is my chance to have a child...because most likely after 35 they'll want to remove my uterus and ovaries to prevent any cancer.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I just got another commission, and possibly a custom sale on Etsy.

One set of fingerless gloves is done.
Four more to go.

I am taking a break to make myself a new washcloth tonight. I'm averaging a glove a day, so I'm not too worried.
After that I have a hat, 2 pairs of fingerless/convertible mittens and another pair of fingerless gloves (if the etsy sale goes through)

so much knitting to do, but the extra money to put away towards IVF is good.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I was just thinking about how less then 5 months ago Ben and I had our forms in to adopt. We were set on adopting a foster child and were waiting to schedule a home study.
Then mom got Breast Cancer. Mom was 9 when her birth mother died from Breast Cancer, so it was that much more terrifying for her.
She had just decided to retire. That's when dad got sick...11 years ago...when he had retired. He died from Leukemia 9 months after he was diagnosed.

Mom was lucky, they caught it early and only needed to do a lumpectomy. I stayed with her for 2 weeks to help her out. She didn't lift, bend, pull, push or do much of anything. I know it was hard for her, but I made sure to do things before she tried or needed to ask.

She then had radiation. And she'll need to be taking pills for about 5 years. She still hates that she has to go to the Oncologist for the rest of her life, but she's happy to have a rest of her life.

after all of this I came back home. Sat down with Ben...and said...I think maybe, just maybe I want to try for a baby.
Now previously we had been told that it wasn't really going to happen. I wish I could go back and kick that doctor in the nards.

While the journey has been rough, and we can only afford the once chance right now, we still have that chance.

I can't really describe what changed in my mind. But when it did it was all we could think about.
I guess the thought of losing my only living parent just set something off in my mind and body.

Lean mean knitting machine

the hat and mittens set is finished.
I bought the yarn for the 5 pairs of fingerless gloves. I'm going to run them by the buyer when I see her Wednesday. Until then I'm working on a shawl for my mother's holiday gift.

Once Tom gets back from his honeymoon he'll tell me which hat pattern he wants and then I can buy the yarn for that as well. Once all the gloves are done I can take some more commissions.

Friday, October 24, 2008


We have one shot...
Our insurance has a $10,000 lifetime maximum for fertility treatment. That's the cost of one cycle.

We're going to work out cycle around going to Denver for Thanksgiving. So for the next 5 weeks I actually need to take birth control to moderate my hormones. After that I'll be giving myself shot everyday.
I'll be needing lots of blood work and ultra sounds.
And then we'll be doing the IVF and ICSI

They are going to implant 2 eggs. This gives us a higher chance for success (and a 20% chance of having twins). But we need to increase our chances since we only have one shot to do this.

I'm so overwhelmed. I've been crying since I got home.
If this fails we can't afford to try again.

(and the first person to do the "everything will be alright" will get a swift kick in the nards)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

mitten 1

Mitten 1 is complete. It took a lot less time then I thought. It looks funny because it's for a 6 year old and my hand (while small) is a little larger.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

YAY hat

Hat is done!

I'm such a ham. now onto the mittens.

so much knitting...

My mom called this morning with a big commission job for me. She wants 4 pairs of fingerless gloves. So now I have that on top of the hat and mittens set I'm working on. And the hat.

Plus I have a shawl and Christmas stocking I need to work on. Those I'm giving as gifts.

The hat is coming along nicely. I am almost finished with the body (I only started last night) and I have to add the ear flaps and pom poms.

Knitting around all the doctors appointments is challenging, but I'm happy to be making money.

Seeing the Reproductive Endocrinologist on Friday. Hoping to have the hat and mittens set done by the end of the weekend.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Is it Friday yet?

Monday and Wednesday I have my electro therapy.
Tuesday I actually have a bra fitting client.
and Friday....well..that's when we see the Reproductive Endocrinologist and find out where we go from here.'s just nerve racking. If we go straight for IVF I'll need to have shots every day and be monitored.
I'm still not sure what IVF entails...I'll have lots of questions for the doctor.

Friday, October 17, 2008

New Hats

some new hats are up on my etsy site.
Here is a preview.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

foam head

my foam head came in...which means if the weather is nice tomorrow I'll be taking pictures of my hats and posting them on etsy.
hormone levels are still too low...
The doctor was going to start FSH shots...until she read Ben's morphology report. His sperm can't penetrate my eggs.

So next Friday we are going to the Reproductive Endocrinologist. We may just skip forward and do IVF where they inject the sperm right into my eggs.

I'm so drained. I just want to curl up and cry.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

every sperm is sacred

Apparently Ben's sperm are all doing well except for in one area. They suck at armour piercing.

This means that only a low percentage of his sperm can actually penetrate an egg. (which is an important step in getting pregnant)
If IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) doesn't work then they'll do IVF but inject the sperm directly into the egg.

At least the doctors all have a plan...and Ben doesn't need surgery.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The bee leg warmers are done.

Family Stuff

Tomorrow my sister in law Kassie finds out the sex of the baby. I'm so excited to be an Aunt. I've knitted so much stuff for the baby. Plus Ben and I will be going out to Denver for Thanksgiving, so it will be nice to spend a few days with my brother and Kassie.
Everyone keeps asking if I'm jealous or if it's hard for me.
I couldn't be happier for them. Kassie had 2 miscarriage and had to give herself shots every day to make sure that her hormones were under control.

In other good news my mother has finished her radiation and seems to be doing really well. Her skin is basically burned where she had the treatments. But the Breast Cancer is gone. We're so lucky they caught it early. Luckily she tested negative for the BRACA gene...which means I don't have it.
But since her birth mother died from Breast Cancer I am still high risk.

Still not looking forward to the mammogram next month.

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Today Ben and I went apple picking.
I love Empire Apples and you can't really find them in the store. I love apples...but these are the only ones I'll eat.
We got a 1/2 Bushel and a peck (please no one sing)

This is only my second attempt at an apple pie...and my first with the new crust recipe.

Here is the before picture...please forgive the crust mistakes.

and here it is after coming out of the oven

oh, and my first attempt at pie...the cat ate

Saturday, October 11, 2008


There is a craft studio by me looking for some new knitting instructors.
They already have the basic classes (hats, mittens, cables, beginners, sweater)...
not sure what I could teach. Intarsia is my bane, so I'd rather stay away from that.

It would be a really great way for me to bring in some extra cash, but I can't really think of anything.
I did think maybe making patterns in items...but I'm really only good at doing that with knitting and purling (again I am not very good with intarsia)

If I can come up with something I'll email them.

Friday, October 10, 2008

is it Thursday yet?

oh yeah...I can't wait. That's my next blood draw. I'm sure I'll have to wait until the week after to start anything (maybe they'll take pity on my uterus and start on Friday)

I'm nervous about taking Clomid...I've heard horror stories. I've also got to take the Ovidrel shots (which I have to give myself)
then there is the IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination)

this of course is only if my levels are high enough...if they aren't they give me something to force the levels. Which makes me a little nervous to go on Estrogen...

at least I have knitting and housework to keep me busy this weekend.
I'm very thankful that my friends think of me when it comes to knitting. My friend Tom wants me to make him a hat.
So after the leg warmers I have the hat to make and then the hat and mittens set.
Those are the ones I'm being paid for.

Then I need to knit my mom's Chanukah present and a Christmas stocking for my Mother In Law.

My foam head shipped today, so I'll be able to post some new items soon. Here is a preview of the hats to come...

I can't wait until I can show them on a head and not the ice bucket.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

yay..more knitting

another friend gave me some commission work. She is also going to be buying 2 pieces I have listed on etsy.

Ben and I were working on maximizing the usage of adsense. We talked about which ad words are worth more. He says mesothelioma is worth a lot. We'll see. Also once our legal issues are done with I'm sure I'll be willing to talk about that.

I also added a search please use that as well.

1 down 1 to go

finished the first leg warmer. I think I'll spend tomorrow finishing up my fishbowl hat before starting on the other leg warmer.

So here it is...with bonus Aloysius in the background.


there are days when I'm reminded why I can't work a normal job.
The worst part is when I have dreams reminding me of that. But...the house is clean, the laundry is done, bills are paid.
I know I'm useful...I just wish I could feel that way. Bringing in money has always made me feel good. And on good days I wonder why I'm not working. Then I have a bad day and I can't function at all.

And starting next week on top of my PT I'll have a load of fertility treatments. No employer (even part time) wants to work around that.
I tell myself it's worth it. It is...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I decided to put adsense on this blog. We're really trying to save up for baby so every little bit helps.
I can't seem to find part time that works around all my blood draws, checkups and physical therapy. right now I'm trying to find craft and street fairs where I can sell my things.

Also hoping to ad new followers on my blog.

Monday, October 6, 2008

state of the uterus address

I have another blood draw this Thursday. There are 2 options depending on the results. Either way something will be done so I'm feeling a bit better about getting this show on the road.

If the estrogen levels are high enough: we start the Clomid and Ovidrel.
If the estrogen levels are still too low: they are going to force them.

Trying to sell more things and get more knitting commissions to put money in the baby account. There are going to be lots more copays coming up.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

to Bee or not to Bee

So these are the leggings. I just started today. The picture doesn't do the yellow justice (probably because I just took them with my webcam)

Don't mind me looking sleepy in the background.

I'm getting used to these 12 inch circular needles. It was a bit strange knitting on them at first.

I hoping that my foam head comes in soon so I can put up some of my hats for sale.
I also bought 2 new knitting books today with baby/toddler patterns. There were a couple patterns that were too cute not to have. A couple of them are just for girls, but I'm sure I could make and sell them too.

commission work

Friday my friend tapped me to make her some bumblebee leg warmers for Halloween.
I've never done leg warmers before, but the pattern is really simple. (and it's just knitting in the round which I've done before)

I'll be posting some pictures as they progress.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

no...hormone levels are still too low.
And I'm a mess right now.
I have to wait another 2 weeks and then have a blood draw again. At that point if my levels are still low they'll try and force them up.

I just want to curl up and cry now.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The waiting is the hardest part

I just finished the hat with attached scarf for my niece/nephew (not sure which one it is yet).
This matches the blanket I made. Both made with this gorgeous Peruvian wool with a touch of Donegal tweed. Since it's grey it's very unisex.

I already know which new project I'll be starting on tomorrow. It will be another baby hat (but this one will go on Etsy). I'm not putting up any of my hats until my Styrofoam head comes in. I'm wondering if I'll need to get a children's size head as well (since my Cabbage Patch Kid has an oddly shaped head for modeling stuff).

Tomorrow I have a blood draw. If my hormone levels are high enough they can start me on Provera (to induce my period) and then put me on Clomid (to induce ovulation) and then I'd be giving myself injections as well.
However if the levels are still too low then I just have to sit around and wait. That's the worst part. If I knew I was doing something I'd feel better.

Today I had physical therapy. They are trying electro therapy feels strange. All of my muscles are tensing and releasing on their own. It's strange not to be able to control that. But if it helps my migraines I'll deal with it.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Etsy stuff

finally got around to posting some new stuff at
I only posted a few today. I have 3 hats to post as well. But here is my favorite from today.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Because I can...

while I'm no where near pregnant I do everything I can to prepare.
I've been making lists of things that I'll need, bookmarking websites, all that sort of fun stuff. We've even started an account for all things baby.

Today I decided that I wanted to make a template for a birth announcement. When the time comes it will really be the last thing on our minds. I'd also prefer to have it out of the way now. I had an idea for a green and yellow dot background, but I couldn't find anything online that I liked.
So I tried my hand at creating a background in Photoshop. It's fairly unisex, which is what I was looking for. Plus when the time comes it's pretty much all ready.

So here it is...

Now I just need to get pregnant...

at least this is one things out of the way.
I also bought the base part for the mobile I want to make.
I know I'll be overwhelmed when I'm getting things out of the way now will help. Plus it will keep me motivated and occupied.

First post

Here I am.
This post will be split between my knitting and my trials of trying to conceive.
At least mostly.