Thursday, December 9, 2010

Why do parents compete?

I never got it.  I never understood why from the moment I got pregnant people felt the need to tell me how I was already doing it wrong because I didn't do it their way.

Yes, I'm a pro-breastfeeding, cloth diaper, AP practicing, crunchy mom.   But that's what works for me.  If people ask what we do I say "this is what works for us." "this is what we do."  I get that different things work for different people and just because someone chooses to parent differently doesn't make them a bad parent.

When did parenting stop being about love?  Or doing the best you could?  I do understand that breastfeeding is better, but that doesn't make parents who formula feed bad parents. 

We're supposed to be here to love our children and help those around us.  Not to belittle anyone who doesn't have the exact same thoughts of parents as you.  People are different, children are different.  Different things work for difference people.

As Theodore Roosevelt said "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

4 comments:

Naomi said...

The whole Mommy Wars thing is about people being insecure about their own choices, so having to validate themselves by putting down choices that are different to theirs.

Moms who are comfortable with the choices they have made (like you are) don't do it!

In my own case, most of the parenting choices I have made have been about taking the easiest path, e.g. I breast-fed because I was lucky enough that it came easily to us. I don't know if I would have breastfed if it had been hard, so I don't have anything to say about Moms for whom it *was* hard (and everyone's "hard" is different of course). Alistair slept in a crib in his own room because we all got more sleep that way. We co-sleep with Cameron, because again we all get more sleep that way. I never wore Alistair because he preferred to ride in the stroller. I wore Cameron a lot because he preferred that.

TeawithFrodo said...

I don't always get the feeling it's insecurity when people say they feel the need to "educate and inform" other women.

TeawithFrodo said...

I don't always get the feeling it's insecurity when people say they feel the need to "educate and inform" other women.

Naomi said...

The whole Mommy Wars thing is about people being insecure about their own choices, so having to validate themselves by putting down choices that are different to theirs.

Moms who are comfortable with the choices they have made (like you are) don't do it!

In my own case, most of the parenting choices I have made have been about taking the easiest path, e.g. I breast-fed because I was lucky enough that it came easily to us. I don't know if I would have breastfed if it had been hard, so I don't have anything to say about Moms for whom it *was* hard (and everyone's "hard" is different of course). Alistair slept in a crib in his own room because we all got more sleep that way. We co-sleep with Cameron, because again we all get more sleep that way. I never wore Alistair because he preferred to ride in the stroller. I wore Cameron a lot because he preferred that.