The big reveal

yes, finally it is time for the big before and after shots. These are the ones taken by my plastic surgeon. 
But before that let me just say how glad I am to have the PICC line out and how much more respect I have for people with ports/shunts. I know how hard to was for me emotionally and can't even imagine how someone with a life threatening illness would feel.

This thing went up my arm and emptied in to my heart

I knew I didn't want to have nipple reconstruction. For right now I've also opted to skip the nipple tattoos.  I did however get some great samples from Rub On Nipples that I am looking forward to trying. They were given to me because I have an adhesive allergy and they wanted to show me I wouldn't have a problem with these.

My right side is still a bit larger than my left but the swelling will go down over the next few months. It's not such a big difference that I couldn't live with it. My results have been really great. I am so thankful for Dr Cooper she has really done an amazing job.

Finally, my before and after picture after the jump.

Sometimes it all just goes wrong.

This past week has been hellish.
On Friday my Surgeon marked a red mark on my left breast. Saturday I spiked a fever and ended up in the hospital on IV antibiotics.
Sunday I had emergency surgery to remove the implant. Apparently not all of my Alloderm had taken during my exchange surgery.  Luckily the on call surgeon was able to remove all the offending tissue and place a new implant (I was terrified of waking up with 1 boob).

Did I mention this was Mother's Day this was all happening on? 
Yeah, it sucked. I was in the hospital until Wednesday. I went home with a Picc line placed in my left arm, stitches and a drain on my right.

Now I'm home and dosing myself twice daily with IV antibiotics.  My left breast is swollen and I am admittedly pretty depressed about the entire thing. Everything looked so great after my exchange and now I've got all sorts of things running in and out of my body.

My mom did come in Tuesday to help out because I can't lift much with the Picc line in. Plus my right side is super sore.

I do remind myself it could be worse, it isn't cancer. But complications like this still suck and they can be demoralizing.
Ben will help me get a picture over the weekend of my current state. I'm just too exhausted now.

4 days post exchange. The bruises are showing.

3 days after my last post and I'm even more bruised. This explains why I'm even more sore.
I know this is normal so I'm not worried about it. But I also know that some other people might get freaked out by bruises getting worse after surgery.

Picture after the jump

1 Day Post Exchange

I want to bust out my best Billy Crystal impersonation and say "they look mah-velous".
I'm sore, bruised and tired but my breasts look great.  I'm lucky that I had a wonderful surgeon. It's exciting to finally have my permanent implants in place.

Can't wait to rock some cute strapless tops this summer. I ended up with 1300cc saline implants.
Picture after the jump.

10 weeks and a surprising surge in energy.

My last fill was a month ago. I'm pretty happy with the size they currently are and don't plan to have any more fills.
For the past couple of weeks I've been doing yoga. Besides having really helped my flexibility I find in general I have more energy.
I spent so many years being in pain. My sciatica was pretty awful and exercising was difficult with my large chest and back pain. Since the surgery I haven't had lower back pain.
It really is amazing how not being in pain can change everything. I'm more active with more energy and I just generally feel better.
That being said I do miss sleeping in my own bed. I'd love to get a solid night if sleep but that is probably still a while off.
Pictures and more after the jump.

8 weeks post op and feeling a little alien

This past Friday was 8 weeks from my surgery. I've been facing one of my bigger issues which I think is causing some of my post surgical depression. My body feels alien to me. Expanders aren't soft, in fact it feels like having rocks in my chest. While I've gained a large range of motion (thank you yoga) I still can't shave my own armpits (thank you Ben for being so patient and doing that for me). I can't cross my arms...a position that used to be comfortable to me. Hugging has also become an art form of not slamming the other person in the body with my rocks.
It's frustrating and I remind myself in a very Machiavellian way that it is the end result that is the most important. And while having awesome boobs is a great end result, I mean the one where I have a much lower risk of breast cancer.

My last fill was 2 weeks ago and that put me at 1200ccs.  I decided to stop and give myself a month to let everything settle. I surprised myself by starting to think that I may be ok with a smaller breast size than I originally thought.

More info and pictures after the jump.

1 Month Later

Here I am. 1 month after my Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy. I admit that some days it still feels so surreal.  Healing is a hell of a journey but I have no regrets about my choice.

While I always knew I wanted to document my journey I never thought it would include pictures. Before my mastectomy I sat down with my mom and showed her pictures at different stages. She told me how thankful she was that she saw the different stages. Had she not see the after surgery images she would have walked out of my hospital room and had a melt down.

So I felt that sharing my pictures might help others going through their own journey.

My pictures and more information after the jump.

2 weeks to go

To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I've been a little OCD about everything.
I've decided that next year I want to go Steampunk.
I've also been making things:

A cape to wear after my surgery so it's easy to get on and off

 

Tablet cases, cause I can never have enough

Jewelry, because who doesn't need another hobby:

And bags, always bags:

Further than I've gone before

My preventative bilateral mastectomy now has an official date. January 11, 2013. Less than 2 months away...
I honestly thought I'd feel better once I had a surgery date set. The last 2 times I tried to plan things happened and we never got this far (Ben getting laid off both times).  I have a date set, I know this is going to happen, but I don't feel any better. No sense of relief.

I'm at a bit of a loss for words (stop laughing). I'm going between depressed and numb. I don't know why I expected to feel like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders but it isn't.
Now...I think about stupid things like the hair cut I just got. It's shorter than I normally go and really edgy. I like it but I'm suddenly struck with a fear that I'm going to look like a man after my surgery.
Then there is my weight.  With Insulin Resistance it's always been a battle with my weight. Am I going to really hate how I look?

I know this is all normal pre-surgery stuff.  Doesn't make it any easier.

FORCE Memphis Scentsy Fundraiser

With the holidays coming up FORCE Memphis decided to join with a local Scentsy consultant to do a fundraiser.
So many people love Scentsy products as gifts around the holidays.  Now your purchase can go to an amazing cause.
Check out our fundraiser here:
https://catherinewiggins.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Buy?partyId=113601819
25% of the proceeds go to FORCE.
and don't forget to share with your friends.

A nifty icon addition for a good cause

Many people have noticed the pink and teal ribbon on my icons on Blogger, Facebook and Twitter.  You all know I'm a Coordinator for FORCE Memphis. So I figured I'd offer to add these adorable little pink and teal ribbons to you a small donation to FORCE.

For just $1 you can send me a picture and I'll add a ribbon to it.  You can donate through our FirstGiving page. Or email irener@facingourrisk.org for my Paypal email.

An Amazing FORCE Conference in Orlando

This past weekend Michelle and I were lucky enough to attend the 7th Annual FORCE Conference in Orlando, FL. I received a full scholarship to attend this weekend full of information, empowerment and bonding.

As a coordinator this experience has been invaluable to me. I gained so much knowledge that will not only help me but help my community as well.  I'm excited about the connections and friends I've made. I've come home with some great ideas on how to reach out to my local community.



FORCE is excited to announce our partnership with the Basser Cancer Center for BRCA at the Abramson Cancer Center of the University of Pennsylvania. 

If you are interested in donating to FORCE you can check out our online donations page or take a peak at our CafePress shop.

Our local interview is up!

 Michelle and I were interviewed for a piece on our local FORCE group. 

http://www.memphisdailynews.com/news/2012/oct/10/force-brings-cancer-previvors-together/

FORCE Memphis has a CafePress store

Our CafePress store is up.   http://www.cafepress.com/forcememphis All proceeds go to FORCE and helping us meet our fundraising goals.
Plus you get a nifty item that helps promote FORCE.

Make Custom Gifts at CafePress

Only on Facebook is Breast Cancer Awareness a secret.

Most of my friends know well enough that I'm a big advocate for Breast Cancer awareness.  My friend Michelle and I found the Memphis FORCE group.
Awareness:the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. So you have to understand my frustration when I wake up to this in my Facebook messages:
"Hi Beautiful Lady...Without replying to this message, put a heart on
your wall; no comment,
just a heart. Next, post a heart on the wall of the person
who sent you this message. Then send this message to your

women friends, only women. If anyone asks you why you have so
many hearts on your wall, don't tell them. This is only for women,
because this is breast cancer research week. One small act of
solidarity between women. PS to type a heart, first type < then 3.
It will turn into a heart as soon as you post it."

Ugh.  Just Ugh.  Sometimes there aren't so many words that describe the stupidity of this.  So here we go with a little list.

1: Are people still do daft as to think that men can't get Breast Cancer?  

2: How does this raise awareness or help research if you're NOT supposed to tell anyone.  Because the opposite of awareness is ignorance.

3: Even if men are less likely to get Breast Cancer they are still part of our support system. They are fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends. Men donate to research as well. 

4: Women who have had Breast Cancer or are predisposed to it (like myself) don't find this solidarity.  We find this insulting and lazy because you can't be bothered to do more than post a heart. It isn't a secret to us. It shouldn't be to you.

5: I still can't wrap my hands around how this is solidarity and how this helps anyone. 

so...

If you see a heart on Facebook I encourage you to do what I plan to do and post " BREAST CANCER AWARENESS IS NOT A SECRET"

And, if you are looking to do something that makes a difference consider making a small donation to the Memphis FORCE group.  But please, don't post a heart thinking you are showing any solidarity.

Almost to our goal.

My FORCE Fundraising page went up a week ago and already I've reached 84% of my goal.  I am so inspired by the generosity of my friends and family in helping me get a FORCE chapter started in Memphis.

Michelle and I are so excited to get this chapter going.