Monday, March 11, 2013

8 weeks post op and feeling a little alien

This past Friday was 8 weeks from my surgery. I've been facing one of my bigger issues which I think is causing some of my post surgical depression. My body feels alien to me. Expanders aren't soft, in fact it feels like having rocks in my chest. While I've gained a large range of motion (thank you yoga) I still can't shave my own armpits (thank you Ben for being so patient and doing that for me). I can't cross my arms...a position that used to be comfortable to me. Hugging has also become an art form of not slamming the other person in the body with my rocks.
It's frustrating and I remind myself in a very Machiavellian way that it is the end result that is the most important. And while having awesome boobs is a great end result, I mean the one where I have a much lower risk of breast cancer.

My last fill was 2 weeks ago and that put me at 1200ccs.  I decided to stop and give myself a month to let everything settle. I surprised myself by starting to think that I may be ok with a smaller breast size than I originally thought.

More info and pictures after the jump.

Everyone looks at my pictures and says they look huge. I've noticed 2 things.  1: they are much smaller than my natural breasts were. 2: I don't see what others see.
Well, in this picture I am starting to see how big they look.

8 weeks post op 1200ccs

Especially in comparison to 2 weeks ago, where I had the same amount of fluid (1200ccs). Keep in mind that the tops are up by my collar bone and need to settle down (and that I think I lost some weight ;) . While they look massive they don't come out far from my body.

8 weeks - side view

Sideways gives you a good idea of their shape and relative size on my frame. I've decided to include side shots to better see the settling of the expanders.
I have another 2 weeks before I have to decide if I want more fills or want to stay this size. I think I may stay this size. I always thought bigger boobs made me look thinner but having a smaller chest has made me looks like I dropped 10 lbs. 

Even with all the stress, the inability to sleep in my own bed and all the pain I've dealt with I don't regret the surgery. Not one bit.

If you've enjoyed sharing my journey with me please consider donating to the FORCE Memphis group so we can continue to offer information and support for those with hereditary and genetic risk for Breast and Ovarian cancer.

No comments: