Pre and Post parenting differences

I'm never going to let my child eat anything processed.  I'm never going to let them have plastic toys.

I'm never going to be able to stick to these rules.

We say all these things before we have children.  We swear that we'll do certain things (or not do certain things) in the name of being the best parent in the world.   I did my best to make sure I said "I don't want him to have that many plastic toys"  I tried to keep an open mind.  It didn't always work and I know there were things that Ben and I said we'd never do.  But we kept that between us, we discussed that as parents to be and didn't think the rest of the world needed to know our plan for raising our child.

While I was out with some friends they started talking about how they were going to raise their children.  I didn't think it was a big deal because everyone talks about things like that.  She then started in on how her child would never have a cell phone before they were 16 (she's not even pregnant yet) and that any parent who did so was a shitty parent.
That got me.  Again it's the habit we seem to have of cutting down other parents.  I said that she might change her mind when she has a child and to keep in mind that she doesn't know what the deal with cell phones will be in 16 years.  
It almost felt like a person attack.  I had a friend who had just gotten her 13 year old a cell phone because it made it easier for them to reach her.   I did a ton of extracurricular activities in school and a cell phone would have really helped my parents know that I was ok and if I'd be late.

But truthfully it was her attitude that got me.  The "I'm going to be a better parent then all of these schmucks".   We all think that when we start, but she was saying it to me in a way that directly criticized my parenting.   When I reminded her to keep and open mind she got angry at me and said she knew what she wanted.

I think when she finally does have children she's going to be in for a hell of a shock.  Things aren't going to be so simple and her rigid thoughts on parenting won't work.  She'll learn the hard way that you have to be a lot more flexible with your parenting to fit the needs to everyone involved. 

Having an idea of how you want to parent is great.  Keeping an open mind is going to be a huge help.

They keep giving me blog awards

I'm going to get a big head.  It's ok, it makes my day to see someone finds me a worthy recipient.

As always awards come with instructions:

1. First, thank and link back to the person that gave the award.
2. Answer the 10 survey questions
3. Pass the award along to other bloggers whom you think are fantastic.

Many thanks to Barbara over at Notes from the Second Half for this award.  If you don't read her blog you probably should.  She writes from the heart about so much.  And now I want cake :)


1.If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this?  If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I've always been a person who stands by what I say.  

2.Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.
I asked Ben to help me with this one and he said "just one?"

3.      What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?
Boobs!

4.What is your favorite summer cold drink?
Cherry Slurpee

5.When you take time for yourself, what do you do?
Tweeze my eyebrows, craft...depends on how I'm feeling.

6.Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?
I'd love to get a book published

7.When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person or always ditching?
Overachieving class clown.

8.If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?
I was with my father when he died.  I think that's the root of a lot of my insomnia at this point.

9.Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?
I'm sort of a raw and honest person in general so I always speak my mind.

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?
Depends on the book, who I wanted to talk to and how I was feeling.




When passing on this award there is really only one person who comes up to me when I think "utterly fantastic"  and that is my friend Samantha over at She's not broken, she's just a baby.  I've known Sam for almost 2 years and she's been an amazing and wonderful friend.  I'm so proud of her for publicly chronicling her struggle with PPD.

Free or Cheap Fridays : Coke Points

I've decided to start a new series on this blog.  I've been told I'm very good and finding ways to get things for free so I thought I'd share some money saving tricks to get freebies.
I already posted about Swag Bucks and how I get lots of free things just for searching on their site.
Another way I like to acquire free things is through Coke Rewards.

We don't drink soda often, but Ben does like the occasional bottle of Coke.  Sometimes even work provides soda and he brings home the caps.  Each cap is worth 3 points.  There are even cokes on cases of Coke and while it may not seem like much it adds up.  I've gotten free magazine subscriptions and items on SnapFish.
Plus when you're done you can use the bottle caps to make mini pincushions.

Besides, if you're going to drink soda why not get some free stuff out of it.

Am I getting penalized for NOT being a single mom?

Before I get started let's make one thing clear:  I have a lot of respect for single mothers.  It's hard enough being a parent but I couldn't imagine raising Garrett by myself.

Lately I seem to have found that being married has become a sort of obstacle when it comes to my son.  We're looking into Early Intervention and I was on the phone with them.  They asked my marital status and if I was married to Garrett's father, if we lived together.  I responded yes and got this disappointed "oh".  It sounded as if we would suddenly be less qualified for EI because we are a 2 parent home.
I had something similar happen at a play group.  While chatting with the woman I said something about my husband and she seemed disappointed that I wasn't a single mom.  I do understand that you want people who will understand what you are dealing with but I don't understand the reaction from most people.  Does my being married mean I can't have friends who aren't married?

I have single friends, married friends, divorced friends, child free friends, single mom friends.  Never at any point when I was meeting them did it ever even occur to base my friendship on their marital status (or what choice they wanted to make long term).

In a society that swears it prides itself on diversity there seem to be a lot of people who only want to surround themselves with people just like them. 
Even Ben gets the short stick in this.  So few men's restrooms have changing tables, and he often gets looks from people who ask him why his wife doesn't change the diapers.  And really why does it matter if there even is a wife or not, we share the work.   He's wondered if I'd make more friends if I went to some play groups on my own.  Probably not because I'm not going to pretend to be a single mother and I don't think having or lacking a spouse should really change anything when it comes to making friends.

Meet me on Monday- Blog Hop

I decided I wanted to participate in the Blog Hop started over at Never Growing Old.

It starts with 5 questions so you can get to know me better.

1.  Do you like your ice cream in a dish, waffle cone, pretzel cone, sugar cone or cake cone?

Waffle cone...and now I want ice cream.

2.  Do you read the newspaper daily?
Not really but I do have an app for that and check it when I have time.

3.  Marinara or meat sauce?
I prefer my own homemade sauce in general.

4.  Last time you cried?
This morning after having a nightmare

5.  What word/phrase do you find really annoying?
I find it annoying when people can't be bothered to type words out.  

I'm hoping to find some great new blogs to read as well as gain some new followers.

I took the plunge

I went blonde.  It may not seem like a big deal for some but blonde is the one color I never thought I'd dye my hair.  It's been so many colors, black, red, several shades of brown, purple, pink and even blue and gold when I was pledging Alpha Phi Omega.  

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder during the winter and can get really depressed.  I just needed a big change and this seemed to be the way to do it.  Ben had given me his rebate gift card from Verizon and that more then covered.


I went in with Garrett and pointed to his hair and said "make it that color".  He's got this great Strawberry Blonde shade. 

I'm in shock a little but I'm really loving it.  Garrett gave me a big smile when he saw me and even Ben got this mischievous little smirk on his face.  For the next week I'm going to stop and look in every mirror in disbelief.

The problem with the internet

As a parent I have the ability to help shape a little life.  There are many ways I could have gone about it but I decided that I wanted Garrett to learn from my example.  I never felt that the "do as I say not as I do" method was very effective for anyone.
That attitude is so prevalent on line.  I'm not sure if it's because it's easier to be angry on line or if they can pretend the person on the other side really isn't a person or if cutting someone down makes them feel better about themselves.  What is it with SchaedenFruede lately?  Why are people so amused when bad things happen to others?     I was told by one person that she was so unhappy with her life that when bad things happened to other people she felt better about herself.   (Needlesss to say when my life got better then hers she decided she didn't want to be my friend because I didn't make her feel good about herself)

No wonder bullying has taken on a new face, children see their parents bullying and insulting other people on the internet.  I've had other parents come up to me and tell me (both online and in real life) how I'm "doing it wrong" because I wasn't do it their way.  People get insulted for a difference of opinion.  If they aren't like you they must be stupid and bad parents.  Plus they're fat and ugly as well as stupid.

I don't want to be that person.  I don't want my son to be that person.  It's been hard but I've taken a step back from certain groups and certain people.  When I see the above attitudes displayed I nod and smile.  If hating someone makes you feel better then I don't think you felt very good in the first place.  I want to teach my son that helping people makes everyone feel better.  That loving and caring about people is important.  You can have a difference of opinion, you can even have a civilized argument but not everyone is going to agree with you.  That doesn't make them a bad person/parent.    He isn't going to learn this just by me telling him.  He has to see me doing it and in trying to raise a good person I find I'm making myself a better person as well.