Sunday, September 16, 2012

You're having a mastectomy for attention!

Yes, that sentence has been said to me several times. The worst part is that it has been said by close family members.
We talk about how important the support of our friends an family can be. But what about when we don't get the support from the people we feel we need it from most.

This is where I am right now. Wednesday I see my plastic surgeon. I'm hoping to be able to finally set a date for my surgery. The truth is...I'm scared. I'm not going to change my mind, but I'm scared. 
It makes me miss my father. He would have told me scientifically why having my bilateral mastectomy made sense. But other than my mom my family doesn't talk about this.

When Ben and I first got married they found an enlarged lymph node. They thought I had Lymphoma and I had surgery (it turned out to be nothing).  My brother never called to see how I was. We've always had a strained relationship, but 3.5 years ago my brother cut me off completely from his life. I'll probably never get to know my niece and nephew and Garrett will never know his cousins.  I've never publicly spoken about this but with my surgery getting so close it's been on my mind. 
The worst part for me right now is thinking that my brother wouldn't care if I died.  I'm hurting. I need the support of my family but so many of them have made it clear that they think my surgery is a ploy for attention. I just need my big brother right now.

Maybe I just don't want to feel so alone.  The saddest part is that I know this won't be met with the support I need, but rather anger for putting my words out there.
I'm just scared.


jamie said...

Hugs Hugs Hugs and more hugs, my friend!

teawithfrodo said...

I can't express how much your support means to me.  I appreciate it more than words.

Lollipop said...

It is your body, your future, your life... Your choice. I hope you find some peace in knowing that there are those who care about you and will support your choice wether they agree or not, wether they understand or not, but simply because they know that is what you want. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

It is the right choice. If they can't understand that then shame on them. I watched my mom battle breast cancer twice. I wish she had gotten a full mastectomy the first time. Maybe it would not have come back and killed her. If I had the bracha gene I would have the surgery tomorrow. We have only met once but know there are lots of people supporting you! Thanks for sharing your journey in such a public way. I am sure your story is helping others on their journey. Wish you well.
Jen Rummell

Lakisha said...

I am sorry you are going through this.  I meant what I said and am here to lend a listening ear and can also cook and clean if need be:)

Lea said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Only you can know what is best for you, and what a horrible thing for people to assume they know otherwise.  I think you're incredibly brave, for what that's worth.

findit13 A said...

Like the rest of your readers, I'm really saddened to hear about the lack of support you are getting and the insane suggestion your going through this for attention. I can tell you, some people react to these things in strange ways, simply because they have no idea "how" to react. Maybe this is the rigt time to reach out to your brother, maybe a simple letter or email letting him know you wish he was in your life. In the mean time, don't feel bad about leaning on your friends, thats what they are there for. Hang tough, and keep strong :-)

teawithfrodo said...

 We've been trying to reach out to my brother for a very long time.
He doesn't care.