I used to belong to an online support group for parents who had children on the Autism Spectrum. Yesterday a post came up that ended with the line "My son with autism is way cooler than any boring typical any day."
I was a little surprised to see that, especially because as parents of special needs children we don't want others saying things like that to our children.
So I commented to her and said that we should be mindful of saying things like that because if you replaced autism and typical with other words (like normal and retarded) people would be upset.
I was told it was a joke. Again I responded that I didn't think it was funny and we were only doing to others what we hate them doing to us.
The admin decided I was being nasty, hateful and unsupportive. She actually said that to me before she deleted the thread. I never called anyone any names, no one acknowledged my point. But I got called some nasty things.
A post was soon put up with "rules" for the support community which included no "arguing" (because sadly we have a generation of adults that can't functionally disagree) no bad-mouthing and so on. The golden rule was mentioned (do unto others...)
Someone commented about how they've seen people bash teachers and schools, why was that ok? (I swear, not me). I commented saying that there wasn't any drama, I didn't say anything rude to anyone and my point was exactly a "Do Unto Others" thing.
Then...I got called some names. The admin threatened to delete the group. Deleted the post and removed and blocked me. So here I sit...now I can't even go to the physical meetings because I won't know when they are scheduled. I opened my mouth to say "Don't talk that way about others when you don't want them talking about you that way" and was told I was unsupportive. I'm really not one for double standards so considering what was said I felt the admin was being incredibly hypocritical.
The reason I'm really upset is because I feel that both Ben and Garrett have also been cut off from the support that other members of that group could have provided.
When did support become enabling? Does a support group mean you can't disagree or even say "What you said it hurtful to others?" Saying something like that certainly isn't taking a jab at the person posting it (while the person who posted that took a jab at "typical" children)
So I sit here confused. This support group has gone and done the most unsupportive thing in the name of helping others.
That still doesn't make that statement right. No matter who says it.
I should add that I loved this group. It was a wonderful resource and I am in no way bashing the group itself which has been a great resource for so many people.