Turn about is fair play?

I was thinking about all the talk about abortions that come up during an election year.

And I wondered...what if a law was passed saying women had to get pregnant. That it was wrong for them not to be trying to get pregnant. It's the duty of the wife to produce children and we all know how "spilling seed" is wrong.  It doesn't matter if you want children or not, it doesn't matter if the child is a product of rape or incest as long as you are having babies.  Who cares if you can't afford it, the law tells you what you can and can't do with your vagina. It doesn't matter if is a medical danger to you (or even to the child), you must keep having babies.

It's the law right?  Because someone else has the right to tell me what I can do with my reproductive organs?
Are you so naive to think that the laws would end there? What happens when they tell breast cancer patients they can't have mastectomies?
Once you let other people can make these decisions for you they'll make more. Ones you won't be happy about.  What if they made a one child law? People would have a fit. It's the same thing.


Regardless of where you stand on abortion the question is about the rights of women. Rights we've fought so hard for. You don't like abortions, don't support them. But I don't tell you what to do with your vagina, you have no right to tell me what to do with mine.

What do you mean "mid-fall break"?

I've been informed that next week is mid-fall break at my son's school.  Garrett has been doing so well in his special needs program.  He comes home with new words each day. He happily gets on the bus each morning and every afternoon when I pick him up he gives me a big hug.

I'm just not ready for him to be on break. And I don't think he's going to be too happy about it. He likes going to school, he looks forward to it.  All weekend he'll grab his backpack and say "I go, I go".   Admittedly I'm going to miss the mornings to myself to get crafting done. The pets are going to miss the chilling out time.

They're going to miss this for a week

I remind myself that I am lucky he likes school and wants to go. We're also lucky that he's IN school and we have a wonderful program that is helping him make strides every day.

Only on Facebook is Breast Cancer Awareness a secret.

Most of my friends know well enough that I'm a big advocate for Breast Cancer awareness.  My friend Michelle and I found the Memphis FORCE group.
Awareness:the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. So you have to understand my frustration when I wake up to this in my Facebook messages:
"Hi Beautiful Lady...Without replying to this message, put a heart on
your wall; no comment,
just a heart. Next, post a heart on the wall of the person
who sent you this message. Then send this message to your

women friends, only women. If anyone asks you why you have so
many hearts on your wall, don't tell them. This is only for women,
because this is breast cancer research week. One small act of
solidarity between women. PS to type a heart, first type < then 3.
It will turn into a heart as soon as you post it."

Ugh.  Just Ugh.  Sometimes there aren't so many words that describe the stupidity of this.  So here we go with a little list.

1: Are people still do daft as to think that men can't get Breast Cancer?  

2: How does this raise awareness or help research if you're NOT supposed to tell anyone.  Because the opposite of awareness is ignorance.

3: Even if men are less likely to get Breast Cancer they are still part of our support system. They are fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends. Men donate to research as well. 

4: Women who have had Breast Cancer or are predisposed to it (like myself) don't find this solidarity.  We find this insulting and lazy because you can't be bothered to do more than post a heart. It isn't a secret to us. It shouldn't be to you.

5: I still can't wrap my hands around how this is solidarity and how this helps anyone. 

so...

If you see a heart on Facebook I encourage you to do what I plan to do and post " BREAST CANCER AWARENESS IS NOT A SECRET"

And, if you are looking to do something that makes a difference consider making a small donation to the Memphis FORCE group.  But please, don't post a heart thinking you are showing any solidarity.

You're having a mastectomy for attention!

Yes, that sentence has been said to me several times. The worst part is that it has been said by close family members.
We talk about how important the support of our friends an family can be. But what about when we don't get the support from the people we feel we need it from most.

This is where I am right now. Wednesday I see my plastic surgeon. I'm hoping to be able to finally set a date for my surgery. The truth is...I'm scared. I'm not going to change my mind, but I'm scared. 
It makes me miss my father. He would have told me scientifically why having my bilateral mastectomy made sense. But other than my mom my family doesn't talk about this.

When Ben and I first got married they found an enlarged lymph node. They thought I had Lymphoma and I had surgery (it turned out to be nothing).  My brother never called to see how I was. We've always had a strained relationship, but 3.5 years ago my brother cut me off completely from his life. I'll probably never get to know my niece and nephew and Garrett will never know his cousins.  I've never publicly spoken about this but with my surgery getting so close it's been on my mind. 
The worst part for me right now is thinking that my brother wouldn't care if I died.  I'm hurting. I need the support of my family but so many of them have made it clear that they think my surgery is a ploy for attention. I just need my big brother right now.

Maybe I just don't want to feel so alone.  The saddest part is that I know this won't be met with the support I need, but rather anger for putting my words out there.
I'm just scared.

Bye bye Beaker

My laptop hard drive died this weekend in a spectacular blue screen of death.  Maybe that's what I get for naming it Beaker.
I spent most of the weekend crafting while Ben recovered as much as he could.  (Nightstand facelift tutorial coming soon) I still lost my Firefox bookmarks.  While recently I had been using Pinterest more often I still had a ton of bookmarks. We're trying to recover those as well.

There will be some crafty posts in the future, especially since shirred tops have become my new addiction.

When support groups aren't so supportive.

I used to belong to an online support group for parents who had children on the Autism Spectrum.  Yesterday a post came up that ended with the line "My son with autism is way cooler than any boring typical any day."
I was a little surprised to see that, especially because as parents of special needs children we don't want others saying things like that to our children.
So I commented to her and said that we should be mindful of saying things like that because if you replaced autism and typical with other words (like normal and retarded) people would be upset.
I was told it was a joke. Again I  responded that I didn't think it was funny and we were only doing to others what we hate them doing to us.

The admin decided I was being nasty, hateful and unsupportive. She actually said that to me before she deleted the thread. I never called anyone any names, no one acknowledged my point. But I got called some nasty things.
A post was soon put up with "rules" for the support community which included no "arguing" (because sadly we have a generation of adults that can't functionally disagree) no bad-mouthing and so on.  The golden rule was mentioned (do unto others...)

Someone commented about how they've seen people bash teachers and schools, why was that ok?  (I swear, not me).  I commented saying that there wasn't any drama, I didn't say anything rude to anyone and my point was exactly a "Do Unto Others" thing.

Then...I got called some names. The admin threatened to delete the group. Deleted the post and removed and blocked me.  So here I sit...now I can't even go to the physical meetings because I won't know when they are scheduled.  I opened my mouth to say "Don't talk that way about others when you don't want them talking about you that way" and was told I was unsupportive.  I'm really not one for double standards so considering what was said I felt the admin was being incredibly hypocritical.

The reason I'm really upset is because I feel that both Ben and Garrett have also been cut off from the support that other members of that group could have provided.

When did support become enabling?  Does a support group mean you can't disagree or even say "What you said it hurtful to others?"  Saying something like that certainly isn't taking a jab at the person posting it (while the person who posted that took a jab at "typical" children)

So I sit here confused. This support group has gone and done the most unsupportive thing in the name of helping others.

That still doesn't make that statement right.  No matter who says it. 

I should add that I loved this group. It was a wonderful resource and I am in no way bashing the group itself which has been a great resource for so many people.

Facebook Breast Cancer Meme

It's back.  And while I could post until I'm blue in the face I'll let the lovely Michelle explain it all.
http://tatatothegirls.blogspot.com/2012/01/oh-games-we-play.html?spref=fb


Michelle and I are both excited to be starting the FORCE Memphis chapter.  Still working on getting everything together. Breast Cancer hits close to home for both of us. Awareness is the first step to prevention.

Dreaming of an iPad

A friend showed me her iPad the other day and I'm in love. With all the cooking I've been doing lately it would be so much easier to have an iPad in the kitchen rather than my laptop.
It would also save so much in paper when it comes to sewing patterns. No more printing out patterns because I can just bring the iPad to the sewing machine. Or even with me when it comes to knitting projects.

Sadly with the move and all our expenses $500 is just too much. I'm doing my best to save money, I'm trying to take some commissions whenever I can get them.  I'm also asking family members to just give me money for the holidays.  
For any of you who haven't joined Swagbucks yet if you click my link on the right hand side I get a referral bonus which I can use to get myself some Amazon.com giftcards. 


Working on lots of projects for the holidays so I'm hoping to have some more crafting things up. 

Thoughts after watching Toddlers and Tiaras

Oh man I am glad I have a boy! 
What the hell is wrong with these parents, what are they trying to compensate for?

And then I wondered, there are so many of these girls who just don't want to be doing those pageants, one in particular wanted to be an Olympic gymnast but her mother wanted her to be in pageants. But why would the parents really want to force the children to do this.  If they're having fun that's great, but the cost of the outfits, fake tanning your child, the fake teeth, it just doesn't set a good example.  The fierce tantrums these girls have is rather disturbing. Then there was the mother who said she keeps her daughter motivated with Cheetos and sugar cubes.  Wait, really?  Didn't you just tell her she was getting too fat? It's a child not a horse. Food as motivation just generally disturbs me.

One of the girls won 1st runner up out of about 15 girls (this was the one who wanted to be an Olympic gymnast) and she was happy with how well she did.  Her mother on the other hand was not too happy with her.

In the long run how much damage are they really doing to these children? Every time I watch the show I think about "Little Miss Sunshine" (great movie) and how much pressure we put on children.
Before I do things for Garrett I remind myself that I'm doing them for him and not me. I worry that some of these parents forget that. Ben and I have discussed at length that if he is involved with something and turns around and tells us he doesn't like it anymore we aren't going to force him to stick with it (I'm talking extra curricular things and not something like not doing homework).

I guess this is why we rarely watch the show.  Garrett likes watching shows with other children. He seems more interested in the girls at the beginning than the ones who are all "glitzed" up.

Breast Cancer Awareness is so much more than a Facebook Status

This morning my husband's cousin sent me (and 67) of her closest female friends a message on Facebook stating that there was a new Breast Cancer awareness meme going around. 
I'm all for Breast Cancer awareness, as someone with the BRCA 2 mutation I have an 84% chance of developing Breast Cancer by the time I'm 70.  However the message I got made me want to burn my bra. Women are supposed to put the number of their shoe size, followed by the word inches and a frowny face.  Truthfully I was about to roll my eyes and ignore it until I saw the next part "don't tell the men", yeah, I have some big issues with this practice.


1: Saying you are raising awareness by NOT ACTUALLY saying anything about Breast Cancer isn't raising awareness. Especially when you leave out a key section of the population.  Despite what people think men can get Breast Cancer, they also have mothers, daughters, sisters and friends who are affected by breast cancer.  Men shouldn't be kept in the dark about breast cancer anymore than women should be kept in the dark about testicular cancer. Awareness leads to support.

2: Why does it have to be something sexual.  My shoe size is 7, so my post would be "7 inches :(" 
Even Ben said that comes off as a little insulting of your significant other. My bigger issue is how often we sexual breasts.  Don't get me wrong, Ben is a breast man, but it's still hard when thinking about the mastectomy I plan to have. They are part of our bodies and there are many women (my mother's birth mother) who would rather ignore the problem instead of lose their breasts.  Breast Cancer is NOT sexual and shouldn't be made in to something sexual.

3: what the hell does your shoe size have to do with cancer?  How does writing that help with awareness? I hate the false sense that people are helping when they could have easily done so much more.  Post information on where to get more information about Breast Cancer and where you can donate either money or even time helping people out.  When was their last breast exam? Wouldn't it be better to let people know the importance of getting checked early.

4: Early detection is key for treating any type of cancer. Support of friends and family is so important to those battling cancer.  So why would you make a post that excludes so many people from being able to properly get information?

Cancer awareness is of any type is important. I hope everyone will retweet, reblog and generally share this message with everyone they know and love.
If you want to raise Breast Cancer Awareness here are some sites to check out:
Susan G Komen for the Cure
Breast Cancer.org
National Breast Cancer Foundation
    
For more information on the BRCA 1 and 2 mutation check out:
Bright Pink
Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered (FORCE)

A WIC coupon is not a license to treat people like crap!

I'm not normally profane by any means (at least not on this blog), so you'll understand just how upset I am when I say:
FUCK YOU STOP AND SHOP!  My using WIC does not mean you can treat me like I'm some idiot or a worthless piece of shit.

It's hard enough to be on WIC.  It hurts our pride, but we know it's the best thing for Garrett.  We do our best to make sure we get the items that are WIC approved (most stores have WIC written on the code on the displays so it's easy to figure out what is covered). I section everything on conveyor belt by what WIC coupon I'm using so everything is together. 

Sometimes things get mislabeled or even misshelved, but instead of an apology I get this look like I must be a piece of shit and I've made their job a pain in the ass (although most of them have that "I hate my life" look). 

Today it was milk.  A fucking quart of milk.  They had 3 milk brands and all were WIC approved.  We've checked with the WIC office before and they told us if it is labeled as WIC approved we can get it. If something is labeled and they don't honor it we have to lodge a complaint with them.   So I grab the milk.  The woman at the register gives me this look and huff and says "You can only get the store brand. The other brand is WIC approved but you can't get it."
"If it's WIC approved then I CAN get it."
"Um, No"
"Get me the manager"

She huffs at me again and rolls her eyes like I'm being the biggest bitch in the world.  The manger comes up and I explain it to him.  They've already taken the milk I was going to get and put it back.  Ben had run to get another one but grabbed the wrong size (the milk section was a mess).  So the manager sends back the bagger to get the milk this time.  A quart...remember we're getting a quart.
I take the pen and write down the names of the people I'm dealing with.  Suddenly the manager gets this tone with me...
"I didn't do anything."
"Excuse me?"
"I didn't do anything why are you writing my name down?"   Oh guy...prepare for a new asshole...
"Really, first off I was writing down the names so when I call and they ask me who I dealt with I can give them names.  Second off, now I will call corporate to lodge a complaint because at no point did you apologize to me or my husband when we both said your employee made us feel like crap.  No, you continue to stand here and give me that look of annoyance like somehow I am worth less than you because I'm on WIC."


The manager was silent.  So bagging lady comes back...with a fucking GALLON of milk.  The manager looks horrified and sends her back.  Still no apology to me or Ben for the way we've been treated. 

So we finish with the WIC and proceed to get our other groceries.  We got 4 boxes of cereal because there is a sale where you get a free coupon for milk.  I reminded Ben about it and he asked the woman at the register...
She gave him such a dirty look and said "it prints on its own".  And then practically ignored him. 

Now really, did we deserve to be treated like crap because we are on WIC?  Would it have been hard for the manager to apologize because the cashier made us feel shitty? 
Tomorrow we call WIC and the Stop and Shop corporate office to lodge complaints.  Using WIC is hard enough for people.  It doesn't give anyone the right to treat you like you are less of a person for it.