What do you mean "mid-fall break"?

I've been informed that next week is mid-fall break at my son's school.  Garrett has been doing so well in his special needs program.  He comes home with new words each day. He happily gets on the bus each morning and every afternoon when I pick him up he gives me a big hug.

I'm just not ready for him to be on break. And I don't think he's going to be too happy about it. He likes going to school, he looks forward to it.  All weekend he'll grab his backpack and say "I go, I go".   Admittedly I'm going to miss the mornings to myself to get crafting done. The pets are going to miss the chilling out time.

They're going to miss this for a week

I remind myself that I am lucky he likes school and wants to go. We're also lucky that he's IN school and we have a wonderful program that is helping him make strides every day.

Lovely lunch bag

oh how I love instagram!

Today Garrett started at Transformations. I'm excited about him getting extra therapy and I think it's a great transition to him starting school this fall. He'll be going twice a week for 4 hours each time, which means he'll be eating lunch there. I loved packing him a lunch today but hated using a brown paper bag.

You know me...that didn't last long. Once I knew he would be going I ordered some Insul-Fleece because I had found a simple lunch bag tutorial. However I hate buying laminated cotton.  It's really expensive and you can just make your own with iron on vinyl.
Now before anyone says anything about food safe I did check on this. It is food safe, they just recommend not using it for anything your child will chew on. 

So I laminated a couple pieces of fabric I got on clearance at Walmart. I really love making my own laminated cotton because I can choose any pattern I want without paying $20 a yard.



I have a snap press but you can always use velcro.  For the next bag I'll make sure I change out my thread and use something matching.  It's bigger than a plastic bag and I know it will keep things cool while we go from home to his classes (it gets hot here in the Mid-South).

And yes, I know the ships are upside down, they are right side up on the other side. The fabric was too cute to pass up and I did this one quickly so I had it for Friday.

Tennessee is adding an Autism license plate

When we moved to Memphis about 6 months ago I was disappointed that there was no Autism support license plate.
Well now there is.  You can bet we preordered ours.  The kicker is that they need 1000 orders before they'll mint the plate.
Please take the time to read the story:
http://teachingtheboy.blogspot.com/2012/04/giving-getting-back-tns-new-autism.html

When support groups aren't so supportive.

I used to belong to an online support group for parents who had children on the Autism Spectrum.  Yesterday a post came up that ended with the line "My son with autism is way cooler than any boring typical any day."
I was a little surprised to see that, especially because as parents of special needs children we don't want others saying things like that to our children.
So I commented to her and said that we should be mindful of saying things like that because if you replaced autism and typical with other words (like normal and retarded) people would be upset.
I was told it was a joke. Again I  responded that I didn't think it was funny and we were only doing to others what we hate them doing to us.

The admin decided I was being nasty, hateful and unsupportive. She actually said that to me before she deleted the thread. I never called anyone any names, no one acknowledged my point. But I got called some nasty things.
A post was soon put up with "rules" for the support community which included no "arguing" (because sadly we have a generation of adults that can't functionally disagree) no bad-mouthing and so on.  The golden rule was mentioned (do unto others...)

Someone commented about how they've seen people bash teachers and schools, why was that ok?  (I swear, not me).  I commented saying that there wasn't any drama, I didn't say anything rude to anyone and my point was exactly a "Do Unto Others" thing.

Then...I got called some names. The admin threatened to delete the group. Deleted the post and removed and blocked me.  So here I sit...now I can't even go to the physical meetings because I won't know when they are scheduled.  I opened my mouth to say "Don't talk that way about others when you don't want them talking about you that way" and was told I was unsupportive.  I'm really not one for double standards so considering what was said I felt the admin was being incredibly hypocritical.

The reason I'm really upset is because I feel that both Ben and Garrett have also been cut off from the support that other members of that group could have provided.

When did support become enabling?  Does a support group mean you can't disagree or even say "What you said it hurtful to others?"  Saying something like that certainly isn't taking a jab at the person posting it (while the person who posted that took a jab at "typical" children)

So I sit here confused. This support group has gone and done the most unsupportive thing in the name of helping others.

That still doesn't make that statement right.  No matter who says it. 

I should add that I loved this group. It was a wonderful resource and I am in no way bashing the group itself which has been a great resource for so many people.

Let's give them something to talk about

Last Tuesday while at CMOM (Children's Museum of Memphis) Garrett (2.5 years old) ran up behind me, hugged me and said "Hi MumMum". The only time he usually says anything like Mama is when he is upset and wants me. He's said it twice today. I keep crying every time.
When Ben walked in the door he gets a "Hi DaDa" so it's amazing for me to get Garrett to look at me and say MumMum without being upset.

As an added bonus last Thursday in Mommy and Me class he smelled the toy flower and then held it to my nose so I would smell the flower too. He then took my hand, put the flower in it and wrapped my hand around the flower. Looked at me and smiled (yay eye contact). I was so excited, he even went and picked up another toy flower and did the same thing with another mom.

At the end of the class he walked up to me and put his arms up (a big step on it's own) and then said "up". I just about cried. The teacher in the class knows Garrett is autistic and she was so excited for both of us. I had to share because I'm sitting here blubbering because I've waited 2.5 years for him to call me by my "name"

Tonight I was doing "Up and Down" and then pausing to get him to say "up". I heard him say "dow". So I looked at him and said "Up and ...." "DOW" While I was folding the laundry he looked in the mirror and I said "who is that boy in the mirror?" and I heard "boy, boy, boy".
He saw his ABA therapist today and I told her about last week. Now I'm already excited to see her next Monday and tell her the new things he's been doing.

We've come so far recently and I just love hearing his little voice.

Therapy/ABA

Today was Garrett's first day of ABA (Advanced Behavioral Analysis). In talking to his therapist I realized how far he's come in just under a year.
He spent the session  pointing up a storm and even responding to my "commands". He looked at me when I said his name and interacted with me and his therapist.

Wednesday he has another evaluation. I'm so glad he's getting services down here. Garrett is making such strides.

What should I craft?

Lately I'm at a loss for what I should craft.
I was hoping to get some commissions and that would give me things to post...


so my readers, suggest something to me.
Things have been so busy here I know my blog hasn't been getting as much attention.  That isn't always bad because I've been doing so much stuff.  I should start taking pictures of what I'm making for dinner. 


Tuesday night I have an Autism support group and I'll post about that.  Garrett hasn't started with EI services here yet. He's been doing a lot better lately with pointing and letting us know what he wants.

No, he's not shy. He just doesn't talk.

I'm not really worried that Garrett doesn't say much.  I'm more worried about his general communication. We're working on getting him to point at things he wants and make eye contact when he wants something.

I guess this is too much for some people. We were at a store the other day and I was holding Garrett. He didn't want to wave at the cashier and wanted to be put down to run around. I said he doesn't talk much.  Her response was "oh, does he not talk because he's shy?" At this point I trying not to laugh because my kid is so far from shy it's hilarious. "No" I said "He doesn't talk much because he's Autistic and has delayed speech."

She got very quiet at that point. I wasn't snarky in my answer but I guess people aren't expecting to hear that. He's Autistic, so what? Does that make him less adorable? Does it make him less amazing? Not at all. I wonder why people ask if they don't want to hear the answer. If it bothered me I wouldn't have said anything  but it isn't something I think we should be ashamed of.

Some people say "oh, I know someone with Autism" while others get very uncomfortable. The truth is that for us we don't feel a need to keep it a secret. I find it more annoying for some stranger to try and force a "hi" out of Garrett when he isn't interested in them. 

Garrett is getting a ton of help and has been making huge strides. I swear I cried last month when he pointed at a banana he wanted to eat. He puts his toys away and even has a few words. Last week he started to do the hand movements for the itsy bitsy spider. 

He's our little guy and we love him to pieces.

 And he sure can rock out on those drums!

An Official Diagnosis

We've known for some time now that Garrett was on the spectrum. It's been so evident to those who spend time with him. While he's a bright and sweet kid he's got delays. 
It's hard to get an official diagnosis, it takes time and you have to get it through a behavioral therapist. However Ben is interviewing in Memphis next week and we decided that we need to speed up the process.  Since we don't know where we are going and what programs there will be we wanted to get his official diagnosis so he would qualify for services anywhere.


Yesterday we answered a ton of questions. I was in tears by the time we were done because while I know he's made so much progress these last 6 months I still had to go through all the ways he was lacking. 
Today she evaluated Garrett. He said a new word (Baby) but really didn't communicate with her very well. He received a diagnosis of PDD-NOS(Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not otherwise specified). 
While he shows signs of it being Aspergers children can't be diagnosed that way until they are at least 4. 

We do hope by that point we can reverse his diagnosis. He already had 6 hours of therapies a week and we're hoping to add another 8 to that.


Garrett is still our amazing little guy and we love him no matter what.

Bowling Bunnies

Last year I bought a 2011 sewing calendar that has 2 projects per week.  I've been wanting to make the bowling bunnies (the ones pictured) but have been putting it off because of Garrett's stacking and lining up habits.

It may not seem like a big deal to some people but Garrett feels the need to almost obsessively line things up.  We know it's part of his autism and make sure that he doesn't do it for long periods anymore.  At one point we watched him line up empty soda bottles for 30 minutes.  If they got knocked down he would get annoyed and line them up again, that was the point when I shelved the bowling bunnies project.

At Garrett's last home visit I brought it up with his case worker who told me that it would be a good thing to make them because we could turn it in to a game.  It's ok for him to line things up if there is a purpose to it (like playing a game) and it would be good for him to make a game out of it.

Our hallway doubles as a great bowling alley

I decided to make them without faces, there is still a front and back, but the lack of faces makes him less likely to line things up exactly. 

 

Lining up the bunnies

Making strides!

In the past 5 months since Garrett started Early Intervention he's come a long way.  It's exciting to see him learning and growing. 
I'll admit, it's been hard to watch sometimes because I see his delays.  Garrett has also started to do more things like stacking and lining up items of the same type.  But then again he's doing so well with all the help he's been getting.

When we started with EI Garrett didn't really have any words, he didn't like being transitioned from one activity to another and didn't play with other children.
Now he has a handful of words but also seem to understand us better.  He transitions easily with the use of a song, even from his favorite activities, without a tantrum.  And now he not only plays around other children, he plays WITH them.  

These may not seem like much to most parents but to us they are big.  Things like imitating our faces or hand movements show that he is catching up in his development.  It's exciting for us when he does something as simple as stick his tongue out at us if we've made the face at him.

Imitating silly faces

He even danced in IKEA. 


Now we've added music therapy to the mix and he loves it. I can't wait to see what new things he does next.  He really surprises us every day and we're very lucky to have such wonderful resources to help him out.

Labels aren't always a bad thing

"You don't want to label your child, it will follow them through their life."  This was said to me in regards to Garrett having Autism.  I've been thinking about it for a while wondering why the statement really irritated me and I've finally figured it out.

I just don't see what's wrong with "labeling" him with Asperger's.  Having the delays he does has helped us get him in to some great programs. All the parents in Early Intervention are more than happy to tell you what label their child has been given because they know that once they get that label they get help.  I'm labeled as having asthma and anxiety, but it also means I can get treatment for both those conditions. 

My labels don't define me, they help explain me a bit and have even helped other people identify with me.  A friend of mine said "these same parents would be more than happy to label their child as gifted".  It's true that people only want the "positive" labels and not the ones they see as negative. But that Autism label gets Garrett help so I can't see it as a negative. 

I look at this this way: having this label now will help him later in life.  To the point where people may never even know or at least where it will help him function better within society.

Maybe people need to stop with not wanting to label their children (no disabilities or special needs and even no gender) and just let things happen naturally.

Everyone else is using the potty so why can't we?

I'm seeing it now, all the parents of children in the same age group as Garrett are posting about how their children are using the potty.
Here I am still trying to get my son to communicate to me that he wants a drink or food and other kids his age are on the potty?

Sometimes it does get to me, I have that moment that I'm doing something wrong.  Garrett used to follow us in to the bathroom when we went.  He has a potty in there and we'd sit him on it while he was in with us and tell him what we were doing (which meant poor Ben had to sit down every time Garrett joined him in the bathroom).

Garrett's lonely red potty

Then I remember Garrett is different.  He'll get it when he's ready because he's a smart kid.  Heck, I'll take a happy, good in restaurants, self sufficient toddler who doesn't have huge issues when mommy and daddy aren't there over a child using the potty before 3. I remind myself that Garrett is just now learning how to communicate with us and expecting him to use the potty is just unfair. I am learning to be more realistic of my expectations of him. He already does things like brush his own teeth.

Brusha, brusha. brusha

And we never know, he could decide he's interested in it but with everything else we're working on we don't feel the need to push it.  For Garrett that's the best choice.

Marriage and Autism

"Hun, how do you think your autism affects our marriage?"
"It doesn't, we have issues like any other married couple."
"You don't think that most of our issues stem from the autism?"
"No"
"What about your inability to ask for help, or your lack of communication?  Or even the tone you use without realizing it?"
"Ok, I get it, I didn't think we were that different."

And the truth is we aren't that different.  I spent the first few years of our marriage not knowing about Ben's Asperger's.  It came out just before Garrett was born when we were at counseling. Yes, we did marriage counseling and it was the best damned thing we did.  We aren't ashamed of it and it has really helped us.

Before Ben told me I didn't really know what autism was. (It also wasn't a diagnosis when he was a child so he wasn't diagnosed until his 20s) Like many people I thought autism meant I was stupid and unable to interact with society on any level. (It also didn't help that as a child my brother used to chase me around the house calling me autistic just to upset me.)

A lot of changes have been mine.  I had to learn how to communicate with Ben differently than I communicate with others. I made to make sure to tell him that it's ok if he needs time to himself or help and give him lots of opportunities to ask for help and basically reminding him that he can ask for help. With Asperger's it just doesn't occur to him to ask for help so I've learned to plant the suggestion.

Ben does have a problem with tone.  Using in or distinguishing it in others. He'll often respond to people in the tone he perceived they were using. This has caused a few problems, especially online. He also gets defensive very easily but I find that reminding him that I was just asking him a question and he was not under and sort of attack seems to help.

It really isn't the different.  Like any other marriage it will only really work if both parties are willing to put the effort in to it. Since Ben and I both want to be together we both work on this.

I just remind myself that Ben needs a little more patience because it's harder for him to completely change the way he thinks.






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Living with Autism

While I personally don't have autism I live with it every day.  My 2 favorite guys both have Asperger's.  It occurred to me that as a mommy blogger I have never discussed it from my perspective.
I'm far from neurotypical myself, I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and test atypical but not on the Autism spectrum.  Ben was diagnosed with Asperger's in 1998 when he was 23 and while him having the same diagnosis as Garrett is helpful we don't know how Ben dealt with it as a child  or even if it was noticed.

"Some researchers have argued that AS can be viewed as a different cognitive style, not a disorder or a disability"
I tend to look at Garrett in the same light and by reminding myself that he has a different cognitive style I can more easily understand him and the choices he makes.  Things that may seem simple to other children such as coloring are a little different for Garrett.  He won't draw on paper with things on it already.  He doesn't draw on the kids menus at places we eat and gets frustrated and angry and will throw both the crayons and the paper.  However if he has a blank piece of paper he will sit and scribble happily.
I had to take a step back and look at this in a very structured and logical way and then it hit me...he doesn't want to draw on a paper that someone has already marked.  It's already occurred to him that he isn't supposed to color over other things.  Much like you'd keep a child from coloring on a book (a non-coloring book) he already gets that.  It may end up being more of a challenge teaching him there are certain places he is allowed to color but we'll cross that hurdle when we get to it.

I'm a very emotional person, I have lots of different moods and I'm very expressive.  Ben describes himself as binary.  He's either on or off and it's like someone flips a switch.  It can be rough on me when he seems to go from being fine to being frustrated in the blink of an eye. I do remind myself that I have to tell both of us to take a deep breath so we don't end up getting angry with each other over a misunderstanding.  I see some of these habits with Garrett, like when he wants a snack he is fine and then melts down.  There is some progress since we have been showing him pictures.

We're lucky that we've gotten Garrett in to Early Intervention and he's made such great strides.  They work with us and him to help him.
Sometimes it is frustrating when other parents say "Why don't you do x,y or z?"   Well, because my son doesn't think like "normal" children.  His brain works differently and so we are working with him instead of forcing him to just do it our way.  The truth is people with Asperger's are usually highly successful individuals.  Ben and I don't look at this diagnosis as a bad thing, just as something different.  And being different is ok.