I decided it would be fun to make a small wreath for our door this year. I found a small foam wreath at Target. For just a dollar you can't beat the price.
I've gotten the first part done and wrapped it with green yarn.
Most of my friends know well enough that I'm a big advocate for Breast Cancer awareness. My friend Michelle and I found the Memphis FORCE group.
Awareness:the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. So you have to understand my frustration when I wake up to this in my Facebook messages:
"Hi Beautiful Lady...Without replying to this message, put a heart on your wall; no comment, just a heart. Next, post a heart on the wall of the person who sent you this message. Then send this message to your
women friends, only women. If anyone asks you why you have so
many hearts on your wall, don't tell them. This is only for women,
because this is breast cancer research week. One small act of
solidarity between women. PS to type a heart, first type < then 3.
It will turn into a heart as soon as you post it."
Ugh. Just Ugh. Sometimes there aren't so many words that describe the stupidity of this. So here we go with a little list.
1: Are people still do daft as to think that men can't get Breast Cancer?
2: How does this raise awareness or help research if you're NOT supposed to tell anyone. Because the opposite of awareness is ignorance.
3: Even if men are less likely to get Breast Cancer they are still part of our support system. They are fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends. Men donate to research as well.
4: Women who have had Breast Cancer or are predisposed to it (like myself) don't find this solidarity. We find this insulting and lazy because you can't be bothered to do more than post a heart. It isn't a secret to us. It shouldn't be to you.
5: I still can't wrap my hands around how this is solidarity and how this helps anyone.
If you see a heart on Facebook I encourage you to do what I plan to do and post " BREAST CANCER AWARENESS IS NOT A SECRET"
Yes, that sentence has been said to me several times. The worst part is that it has been said by close family members.
We talk about how important the support of our friends an family can be. But what about when we don't get the support from the people we feel we need it from most.
This is where I am right now. Wednesday I see my plastic surgeon. I'm hoping to be able to finally set a date for my surgery. The truth is...I'm scared. I'm not going to change my mind, but I'm scared.
It makes me miss my father. He would have told me scientifically why having my bilateral mastectomy made sense. But other than my mom my family doesn't talk about this.
When Ben and I first got married they found an enlarged lymph node. They thought I had Lymphoma and I had surgery (it turned out to be nothing). My brother never called to see how I was. We've always had a strained relationship, but 3.5 years ago my brother cut me off completely from his life. I'll probably never get to know my niece and nephew and Garrett will never know his cousins. I've never publicly spoken about this but with my surgery getting so close it's been on my mind.
The worst part for me right now is thinking that my brother wouldn't care if I died. I'm hurting. I need the support of my family but so many of them have made it clear that they think my surgery is a ploy for attention. I just need my big brother right now.
Maybe I just don't want to feel so alone. The saddest part is that I know this won't be met with the support I need, but rather anger for putting my words out there.
I'm just scared.